I'm on a journey, as we all are, but unlike other journeys I've been on, I have no idea what I'm looking for! The good news is that God is with me on this journey and he knows exactly what I need.
During one of my quiet times I came across a passage in I Corinthians that reminded me of something my councilor said.
" By the grace God has give me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other then the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each mans work. If what he has built survives he will receive his reward. If it is burned up he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved but only as one escaping through the flames."
- 1 Corinthians 3:10-15
This is as incredible passage of scripture! It is very similar to the parable Jesus told about building your house on a rock, but this goes further to describe what a christian is supposed to do once his foundation has been placed on that rock, which is Jesus Christ. Starting with Christ as the foundation of your life, what are you suppose to do from there? Build up! He says that you can build up with gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw. Now most of us upon looking at this list would know what to build a house or any structure out of. Most of us wouldn't choose the hay or the straw, instead we would use the gold, silver, stones and wood.
Once we have build up from the foundation, there is a test. What we have built will be tested with fire and if it is left standing then we receive the reward, but if it isn't then we suffer a loss of some kind. Now what does all this mean exactly.
The foundation is Christ, the structure we build up from him is our life in him, the strength and durability of our relationship with him. We either dive deep into a relationship with him, thrive and build thick sturdy walls around us or we take it lightly, gather up the light bundles of straw and use those to protect us from the world around us.
What are your walls made out of? How deep is your relationship with God, how solid are the walls you have build? Sadly, I'd have to say that I've let myself build my walls out of wood. It looks good, pretty durable, pretty easy to carry and set into place. However when the fire comes, wood burns. When the fire comes, I lose the meager shelter I built.
The beauty however in walking and going deep with God is that you build for yourself walls made of gold, silver and stones, walls that don't burn. When the fire comes, when hard times howl against your window, you will not be destroyed because you chose to struggle with God, carry those heavy stones and place one on top of the other. You receive the reward of protection, Gods loving arms his helping hand through difficult times. Because you chose to work hard before, struggle through when you were still building that house and the fire licked at your fingers, because you stayed firm in walk, when hard times comes, its no problem.
What you do now, how you treat your relationship with God now, will determine what type of materials your building your fortress out of. The deeper you go the more you learn to rely on God and therefore the stronger your walls become. But if your treating your relationship with God as just a 5 minute skim through the Bible, your fortress will not be able to withstand the fire of hardship.
I have personally experienced the fires consuming my fortress, and it makes you step back and realize, that it wasn't God who wasn't there for me in times of need, it was my own lack of trust, my own lack of seriousness with my relationship with God.
So what are you building your fortress out of? Are you building it out of materials that will last, or those that will perish.
"If what he has built survives he will receive his reward. If it is burned up he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved but only as one escaping through the flames."
~ Catie
Monday, June 14, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
A Little Note on Gardening
"I am the vine and my father is the gardener. He cuts every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."
This verse is a very commonly read and preached verse in the christian community. However it is very interesting when you take this verse out of the context of the sermon you are listening to and look at it with a fresh pair of eyes.
The first part, "I am the vine and my father is the gardener," has so much meaning. Jesus is referring to himself when he says that he is the true vine or the right vine. Truth is in him and he is truth. Therefore all that stems from him is truth. Jesus says that his father, or God, is the gardener. Here we see the relationship between God and Jesus, two of the aspects of the trinity working harmoniously together.
Jesus goes on to say that the gardener, "cuts every branch in me that bears no fruit." Jesus was perfect, so why did he God to cut away what bore no fruit? Jesus was still human but perfectly submitted to the father at the same time and because of this all the bad branches were cut away. Jesus then says that the gardener goes on to prune the good branches.
When I first read over this part, I skipped over it without really thinking about it. The Holy Spirit nudged me to go back and reread it, and when I did I was amazed.
What is prunning? I'm not a gardener myself, but my basic understanding is that pruning is cutting away at a branch in such a way that allows the branch to continue growing. A good portion of the branch may be lost, but in time it will grow and become stronger and bear more fruit.
God cuts and prunes us and its painful at times. He removes the sinful parts when we let him and prunes those good things in us when we aren't looking. In my own life he has been cutting. Often times I feel like he isn't cutting enough. I am a natural leader which I have turned into being bossy. For a long time I felt like God needed to cut that bossy side from me that stems from my leadership, but really he just needs to prune me. Yes destroy the bossy side, but not cut away the leader he made me to be.
I could go on with examples from my life, but I think its interesting when you look at your own life and ask yourself what needs to be cut away and what needs to be pruned? Often times the devil distorts the gifts God has given us. We think that out gifts need to be cut away, but God never wants to destroy the good things he's given us, he just wants to snip away at the areas in which the devil has corrupted them.
"He cuts every branch in me that bears no fruit, while the ones that do bear fruit he prunes so that they will be even more fruitful."
~Catie
This verse is a very commonly read and preached verse in the christian community. However it is very interesting when you take this verse out of the context of the sermon you are listening to and look at it with a fresh pair of eyes.
The first part, "I am the vine and my father is the gardener," has so much meaning. Jesus is referring to himself when he says that he is the true vine or the right vine. Truth is in him and he is truth. Therefore all that stems from him is truth. Jesus says that his father, or God, is the gardener. Here we see the relationship between God and Jesus, two of the aspects of the trinity working harmoniously together.
Jesus goes on to say that the gardener, "cuts every branch in me that bears no fruit." Jesus was perfect, so why did he God to cut away what bore no fruit? Jesus was still human but perfectly submitted to the father at the same time and because of this all the bad branches were cut away. Jesus then says that the gardener goes on to prune the good branches.
When I first read over this part, I skipped over it without really thinking about it. The Holy Spirit nudged me to go back and reread it, and when I did I was amazed.
What is prunning? I'm not a gardener myself, but my basic understanding is that pruning is cutting away at a branch in such a way that allows the branch to continue growing. A good portion of the branch may be lost, but in time it will grow and become stronger and bear more fruit.
God cuts and prunes us and its painful at times. He removes the sinful parts when we let him and prunes those good things in us when we aren't looking. In my own life he has been cutting. Often times I feel like he isn't cutting enough. I am a natural leader which I have turned into being bossy. For a long time I felt like God needed to cut that bossy side from me that stems from my leadership, but really he just needs to prune me. Yes destroy the bossy side, but not cut away the leader he made me to be.
I could go on with examples from my life, but I think its interesting when you look at your own life and ask yourself what needs to be cut away and what needs to be pruned? Often times the devil distorts the gifts God has given us. We think that out gifts need to be cut away, but God never wants to destroy the good things he's given us, he just wants to snip away at the areas in which the devil has corrupted them.
"He cuts every branch in me that bears no fruit, while the ones that do bear fruit he prunes so that they will be even more fruitful."
~Catie
Monday, June 7, 2010
Confessions of a 5yr old
Five year olds are inncoent, fun, full of life, silly and sometimes a handful. It's a time of life where you are just getting a grasp on the world around you, learning about other people and yourself.
Ive blocked alot of my childhood because when I was 5 I was sexually abused by an older girl friend of mine. Having something so horrible happen up you defines a persons life and at the moment I didn't know how much of an impact it would have on me.
It really wasn't until our church did a series called celebrate recovery that I finally was able to understand what had happened to me. For years I had thought that the abuse had been my fault because I knew it was wrong but still did it anyway. I began seeing a councilor and began realizing that it wasn't my fault and that I shouldn't feel guilty for what happened. It was here that I really began working though te baggage my life has aquired; abuse, abandoment, and trust.
I have been abused and abandoned by girls my whole life which has made it very difficult to open myself up to them because I don't trust them not to hurt me. My prayer for the last 6 years has been for a good friend. I have had alot of pain over the years with this prayer not getting answered which has made it very hard for me to trust God. Each time I feel like God places a friend in my life I open myself up and as soon as I do I get hurt again. That wound is by far the biggest and most painful. Because of that I close myself off from people so that I don't get hurt again. The pain is literally crippling.
As part of this whole process of dealing with all these issues I began to realize the masks that I've begun wearing to hid myself (at least my true self) from those around me. I felt ashamed by my sin and so I'd try and cover it up instead if giving it over to God. As I was going though this realization I began talking with friends and opening up about the real issues that I was dealing with in my life. As I began to open up, they began to open up. One friend in particular who I've known for years got really vulnerable and shared thier deep struggles with me. It was at that moment that my heart broke. Not because they struggled with sin, but because for years they had never felt they could get vulnerable with me or anyone else! Why is that? I know that many times we are ashamed of our sin and so that keeps us from talking about it, but when you talk about your struggles you realize that others battle it too and you can find great joy and comfort in walking your struggles out with a brother or sister in Christ. I would have never been able to come this far with my struggles had it not been for some of my friends who came along side me.
It really does grieve me to know that everyone is hurt and they don't feel like they can talk about thier struggles. Shame is a trap that is almost impossible to break free from. I've lived imprisoned by shame for 13 years and it's very hard to break out and I've learned that without Gods help you will ever be completly free from it.
Its a wierd conclusion or realization to come to, but it's okay to admit your sins! It's okay to not be perfect! We aren't supposed to be! The truth is not everyone will accept you for your sins or your struggles and that is as times crippling but continue to look for those around you who you can be open and honest with. Don't let yourself become enslaved by shame and don't allow youself to hid from those close to you or shut them off. There is always someone willing to listen and willing to come alomd side you. It's okay to be vulnerable!
"my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
- 2corinthians 12:9
Ive blocked alot of my childhood because when I was 5 I was sexually abused by an older girl friend of mine. Having something so horrible happen up you defines a persons life and at the moment I didn't know how much of an impact it would have on me.
It really wasn't until our church did a series called celebrate recovery that I finally was able to understand what had happened to me. For years I had thought that the abuse had been my fault because I knew it was wrong but still did it anyway. I began seeing a councilor and began realizing that it wasn't my fault and that I shouldn't feel guilty for what happened. It was here that I really began working though te baggage my life has aquired; abuse, abandoment, and trust.
I have been abused and abandoned by girls my whole life which has made it very difficult to open myself up to them because I don't trust them not to hurt me. My prayer for the last 6 years has been for a good friend. I have had alot of pain over the years with this prayer not getting answered which has made it very hard for me to trust God. Each time I feel like God places a friend in my life I open myself up and as soon as I do I get hurt again. That wound is by far the biggest and most painful. Because of that I close myself off from people so that I don't get hurt again. The pain is literally crippling.
As part of this whole process of dealing with all these issues I began to realize the masks that I've begun wearing to hid myself (at least my true self) from those around me. I felt ashamed by my sin and so I'd try and cover it up instead if giving it over to God. As I was going though this realization I began talking with friends and opening up about the real issues that I was dealing with in my life. As I began to open up, they began to open up. One friend in particular who I've known for years got really vulnerable and shared thier deep struggles with me. It was at that moment that my heart broke. Not because they struggled with sin, but because for years they had never felt they could get vulnerable with me or anyone else! Why is that? I know that many times we are ashamed of our sin and so that keeps us from talking about it, but when you talk about your struggles you realize that others battle it too and you can find great joy and comfort in walking your struggles out with a brother or sister in Christ. I would have never been able to come this far with my struggles had it not been for some of my friends who came along side me.
It really does grieve me to know that everyone is hurt and they don't feel like they can talk about thier struggles. Shame is a trap that is almost impossible to break free from. I've lived imprisoned by shame for 13 years and it's very hard to break out and I've learned that without Gods help you will ever be completly free from it.
Its a wierd conclusion or realization to come to, but it's okay to admit your sins! It's okay to not be perfect! We aren't supposed to be! The truth is not everyone will accept you for your sins or your struggles and that is as times crippling but continue to look for those around you who you can be open and honest with. Don't let yourself become enslaved by shame and don't allow youself to hid from those close to you or shut them off. There is always someone willing to listen and willing to come alomd side you. It's okay to be vulnerable!
"my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
- 2corinthians 12:9
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