Through my eyes...

If I could give you anything I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes.

Isn't it funny how other people are always able to see the best things about you. We tend to see ourselves through the lens of our failures, rarely able to see our good qualities. 

I love my friends because of who they are, both their short comings and there triumphs. Sometimes I think God gives me his eyes to see people as he sees them. 

Know that your failures make you who you are in your triumphs. Because of your failings you learn, grow, and are able to teach others. Triumphs are based in your faith in God because he is the only one who is able to make you successful. Each of your qualities are special not because of how they affect other people but because God gave them to you. When he made you, he formed your body, picked out the color of your hair, the color of your eyes, and then sat down and added in your personality. Some he made some to sing, others to dance, others to laugh, others to sympathize, and still others to be silly. He delights over you not because your awesome but because he made you. He loved everything about you so much so that it says he delights over you with singing!

I love my friends for who they are being grown into. God has also provided an amazing guy in my life. He is incredible not because of how he makes me feel (even though I always have butterflies when I'm around him) and not because he always does what I tell him to (which is sometimes annoying but good) but because he is a man after God own heart. He is insanely teachable. He strives to be a leader and seeks wisdom from older men in his life. Whenever he has doubts, he seeks truth. He knows what it means to guard my heart because he sees me through Gods eyes and knows I'm His daughter. 

If he could see himself through my eyes....he would understand why I care about him so much

If my friends could see themselves through my eyes they would understand that I butt in because I care, that I say what I do because I love them and that when I open up to them its because I know I can trust them. 

I love my friend so much!! Thanks for being part of my life and walking through the good and the bad with me :)

Broken promises...

Have you ever made a promise to someone that you later realized your couldn't keep? Do you remember how you felt when you had to confront them about it? The look of disappointment on their face when they realized you couldn't live up to your own commitments...
    I made a commitment to God to stay single for this past semester...a commitment which I did not hold to. Instead of trusting in God and relying on his strength, I decided to trust in what I could see and what was in front of me. Choosing to do this left me with several consequences. First off, I had to stand before God and ask for forgiveness. After all, I made the commitment to Him and when I broke it I offended God first. However, I also let my friends down. 
     Working through forgiveness between God and I was hard but adding disappointment from my friends onto that made it much harder. As much as I hate it at times, people watch me and look up to me. I honestly don't know why anyone would want to look up to me at all cause I seem to do a pretty good job at messing up, but people do anyway. What I didn't know was that my commitment to trust in God and stay single was a really bold statement, and several people looked up to me and respected me for that. When I broke that, they lost some respect for me. 
     Now I could say that I don't care what people think about me, but that would be a lie. 
    I want to write this to my girls, 
I'm not perfect I'm learning and growing, and sometimes that means failing...that being said...what I did by dishonoring my commitment to God was wrong. There's no way around it...I broke a commitment. Because of that I know that there are consequences. I know that and will accept them. One of the consequences have been letting people down. I'm a people pleaser and so whenever I let someone down it kills me! I'd prefer for people to be mad instead of disappointed. 
     Please don't think that I just made a decision based off of emotion without considering the commitment I made to stay single. Now you may think "wow how could you knowingly make a decision to break a commitment with God and then how could you be okay with it." Well...I began breaking the commitment without knowing it and then when I became aware I had two choices, one to stop lying and call the relationship what it was, or continue lying. I decided to fess up. And I wasn't okay with it at first, I would've loved to continue lying to myself and I considered it several times. But I didn't. I decided that although coming clean meant subjecting myself to the possible scrutiny of others it was the right thing to do. I had a long talk with God and was very ashamed to come to him. I was so mad at myself for not honoring a commitment and even more ashamed to have to tell people about it. 
     The truth is, my actions were called out by God and because of that I had to deal with it before him first. But I am aware that people are also affected. If I have made anyone stumble I'm truly sorry. Know that walking with God is a learning process...and when you fail God's not the only one who sees it...which I guess is good cause it means the body of christ can hold you accountable :)
     Everything we learn now is meant to teach us later in life. I know that God is continuing to teach me...sadly I'll continue failing but hopefully through my failures God teaches me who he is and who I am in him. The battle will never be over until we are in his presence....which could be considered depressing but when you think about it, it means that your always being given a second and third and fourth chance. Gods grace and mercy is INCREDIBLE and yet when we choose to walk with him, he gives it to us in abundance! 

Who Am I?

Who am I that you love me I turn away
seek my plan
speak against you
forget your mercy
forget your comfort
forget your love

Who am I that you intervene in my life?
I don't deserve your love yet you love me enough to reveal truth in my life.
You allow me to accept concequences
and you teach me

Who am I that even through my failures you use me
You take a broken heart, a sinful life and you use it
Who am I?

I am Yours!
You bought my life at the price of your own.

Everlasting love displayed in my father giving up his life for his rebelling daughter
I did not seek you
Yet you drew me to yourself
I did not choose you
Yet you hand-picked me to be yours

I am yours
You are mine
Worthy are you
My heart cries out
My soul thirsts for you
My body pants for your word

My heart is filled with joy
Your beauty is displayed in who you are
and in what you do
and in your word

How precious
How beautiful
How loving
How amazing
How merciful you are...

Your intricicies are displayed in the beauty of your creation
the colors and patterns of the created burst forth song

Each color speaks of who you are
every note of your plans
every sunset of your beauty

Only you are worthy
I am nothing
Yet to you I am made whole
In your eyes I am beautiful
You delight over me with singing
You hold me in your arms
You formed me
You know me

I am yours
     May your will be done with my life!