Starting Over

Those words "starting over" have been used more in the last several months/weeks then I think I've ever used them in my entire life.

This week marks an anniversary for me, and not one I'm happy of. This time last year I began to go down a very bad path. I began walking away from God, and turning into myself, my sin and my desires. Previous blogs have explained in more detail what hppened, and how relationships were destroyed. I suffered so many consequences, and am still living through the consequences of my actions. But even through my rebellion, God fought for me.

I love Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

God had/has a plan for my life, and he has never let me go through it. I am amazed, extreamly humbled and in complete awe that God would want to use a rebellious and sinful person like me, yet he gives me the opportunity to be part of his plan every day.

....God is amazing, anyone who thinks less has never experienced his all encompassing love, joy and peace. Through my struggles, through my horrible human example of who Christ is...he redeems me, he uses me, he leads me in his plan. Thats completly mind blowing! I walk away, he gives me another chance. I fall down, he picks me back up. He teaches me with love, speaks truth into my confused life, and has instilled his pure joy me so that I can face struggles with his confidence.

Someone told me the other day that many people think that your a good christian if things in your life are going good...however I've found the exact opposite. Your walk with God is the strongest when you are relying on him for your every need. That means in the good and bad. We tend to rely on God when things are bad, and I am guilty of this, but think about it...we need God in every situation, whether it is while we are under spiritual attack or if it's to make a decision to go hang with friends. When I first encountered this type of thinking I pushed back. After all, I'm an adult, I know how to make decisions, I know what to do! Yeah....but then again how often do I get myself into a whole because of my actions. When you rely on God for guidance, seek him in every action things become less stressful. On that note I want to just add a little food for thought: If we are not our own (since we were purchased at the price of Christs blood) what makes us think that our agenda is our own? Do we really understand what it like to give our whole self over and let God be the Lord of our life?

I would say that I don't know how to do that. I don't think I'll ever be perfect at dying to myself and letting him reign in every aspect of my life. If I was able to do that it would be awesome, but my sinful nature holds me back from perfection. Although I will never be able to achieve perfection, I still strive to dye to myself. And its painful, its a process, and I fail many times. But a beautiful thing about God is that he just says "Its okay, so you failed. This time try relying on me instead of your own strength."

A couple days ago I sat down with God and he told me I needed to finally close the chapter of this last year. He lead me to Psalms 34. If you have a chance to read it I would highly encourage you to. But in short David is praising God for the ways in which God interevened in his life to save him. One of the verses that stuck out to me was Psalm 34:4 "I sought the lord and he answered me, he delivered me from all my fears." I love this verse because it reminds me of the goodness, faithfulness and love of God. God didn't leave me in the dirt, he answered me and delivered me from myself!

So I'm starting over....again. And thats okay! Life doesn't have a reset button but in a sense God does. He picks us up from out of the mud, sets us on solid ground, washes the dirt off and says, "Okay lets do this again." And because of that I know that no matter how many times I fall he will always take me back.

"The lord redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him." -Psalm 34:22

~Catie