For a long time I have struggled with my school situation; something that has called for years of perseverance and strength. A new day is dawning and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm close enough to the end that I can see a fork in the road, one path marked deliverance, and the other perseverance. Deliverance would finally lead me away from this miserable situation, but perseverance...would not. I so desperately want to do what God wants, yet I so desperately want to get out of this situation. And so I find myself caught in the middle.
In my previous blog I explained how I felt completely alienated and unwelcome at my school. Since the day I arrived I have wanted to leave. It seems like each week there is another issue another problem that I am faced with and I find myself easily discouraged. I was reminded this week while reading the Bible of this simple little fact. "We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed." (2Corinthians 4 :8) Jesus also reminds us in John 16:33, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." So should I take the easy path and finally be delivered from my suffering, or should I persevere?
"Consider it pure joy my friends whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance, and perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything...blessed is that man who perseveres, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." (James 1:1-4)
Wow...that's all I can say. I have read so many verses about persevering and what a blessing it is on those who persevere that I can't ignore the second path. But should I forget about my current suffering and persevere? It says in Romans 5:3, "Not only so but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character and character hope, and that hope does not disappoint us." Why doesn't that hope disappoint us...because it placed in God, who will never disappoint us.
Perseverance is a common theme throughout the Bible. We see it in Jesus and in Paul as well as every other follower if Jesus Christ. So trials and sufferings are nothing new in the christian walk, and as Christan's we should be constantly calling on God for help and guidance.
I find myself sitting at the fork in the road, unsure which path to take. To take the one marked deliverance, I would finally get what I have longed for for so long. However if I do take this path, am I missing out on a chance for God to grow and mature me? It does say "perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." There have been many times where I have persevered through a circumstance and realized later how much I matured. In fact if several things in my life had never happened(things that although I wish had never happened, I'm glad they did), I would not be the same person I am today and I would not be as close to God as I am now. Knowing this, should I take the path marked perseverance or should I take the opportunity to leave my school and run with it?
I honestly have no idea! I am still searching the scriptures for an answer, and though I know the decision is far from final I want to make every effort to seek Gods wisdom in this area of my life and follow his will. It says in Exodus 14:13, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still" I don't know how the Lord will deliver me, but I know that he will, and so I will be still before the Lord and wait for his timing.
~Catie
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