Beauty and Music forever entwined...

Heavenly Father you always amaze me

I stand in awe of you

Let your kingdom come in my world and in my life

Rid me of myself

You give me the food I need to live through the day

I will trust for you to provide

And forgive me as I forgive the people that wronged me

Help me love them as you love me

Lead me far from temptation deliver me from the evil one

Don't let me fall

I look out the window the birds are composing

"Look at the birds of the air..."

Not a note is out of tune or out of place

"...your heavenly Father feeds them"

(Matthew 6:26)

I walk to the meadow

See how the flowers of the field grow...

And stare at the flowers

"They do not labor or spin..."

Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day

"not even Solomon was dressed like one of these"

(Matthew 6: 28-29)

So why do I worry?

"do not worry about your life..."

Why do I freak out?

"Are you not much more valuable than they?"

(Matthew 6:26)

God knows what I need

"Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing"

(Psalms 34:10)

You know what I need

"You shall not lack anything"

(Deuteronomy 8:6)

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

"I will never leave you"

"I will never forsake you"

"I have a plan"

Trust me

"I delight in you"

"I rejoice over you"

"I laugh with you"

I love you

"I will always seek you"

"I will perservere for you"

"I will protect you"

I am faithful 

Always

I long to be with you

I long to walk along side you

My love for you is never lacking

 

The kingdom of the heavens is now advancing

Guide my actions

Invade my heart invade this broken town

"Search me, God, and know my heart"

(Psalm 139:23)

The kingdom of the heavens is buried treasure

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field..."

Will you sell yourself

"a man found it...he hid it again..."

To buy the one you've found?

"in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field"

(Matthew 13:44)

Two things you told me that you are strong

"I will strengthen you..."

And you love me yes, you love me

"I will help you"

(Isaiah 41:10)

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

My child 

come to me

seek me

I will hold you

I will comfort you

I will give you my strength

I will give you my peace

I am HOPE

I am PEACE

I am LOVE

I am Strength

I will give you courage

I will give you wisdom 

I will teach you

I will guide you

I am LIGHT

I am JOY

I am CONTENTMENT

Seek me

you will find me

ask me

I will answer

I will not withhold good from those I love

I will not hand you over to descrtuction

I will protect

and hold you in my hand

 

My name is above all others

my ways are above your own

my plan may not always be seen

but I have one

it's to bless

it's to provide

it's to love

it's to guide

 

I made you with a purpose

I called you for a reason

I have a plan

I will give you the strength 

I will give you the courage

Let my love

give you strength

Let my plan

give you hope

Let my word 

be your truth

Let my ways

become yours

Let my heart

become seen

 

I want to show you

all of my wonders

I want to show you 

all of my glory

Trust me

Let my love 

become

your

STRENGTH

"For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common"

     One of the things I think most people have in common is a desire for a close intimate relationship with someone. Whether is be a romantic relationship or a peer to peer relationship, we all desire to be important in someones eyes.
     So we have this desire, and as a result we seek out a relationship with people. The first question we should ask is who should I seek relationships with? The bible deals with this question specifically in 2 Corinthians 6: 14-18. It says:

"Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God's holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way:

"I'll live in them, move into them;
I'll be their God and they'll be my people.
So leave the corruption and compromise;
leave it for good," says God.
"Don't link up with those who will pollute you.
I want you all for myself.
I'll be a Father to you;
you'll be sons and daughters to me."
The Word of the Master, God.'"

     If you think about it, this passage makes complete sense. When entering a relationship with anyone, dating or friendship, wisdom says to only seek close intimate relationships with those who also seek God. Closely pairing yourself with someone who rejects God makes no sense when you consider that you have the holy spirit living inside of you. We don't understand the influence that those who reject God can potentially have over us. God himself warns us not to place ourselves in a position in which we could become polluted by the lies of Satan.
     Does this mean we never associate with non-Christians? Not at all. In fact if we didn't our calling to continue to spread God's message would be pointless. However what this passage is saying is that we should't link ourselves (standing arm in arm) with those who will not walk in the same direction we are walking in. Consider it this way, if we want to go east and the person we are arm in arm with wants to go north then there will be some struggle and chances are depending on your own strength you probably will not be able to stay directly on the path you know you need to be taking.
     My challenge to you is to ask yourself who you are walking through life with. Are they people who are walking the same path and pulling you through toward God, or are they people who reject God and therefore have to potential to detour you from your journey?

"Don't link up with those who will pollute you.
I want you all for myself.
I'll be a Father to you;
you'll be sons and daughters to me."

~Catie

"Though it costs you all you have, get wisdom."

I think all of us at some point in our lives search for wisdom, yet rarely do we really know where to begin. Proverbs 4:7 says this "the beginning of wisdom is: get wisdom!" (Amp). How is that really much of a help? When seeking for wisdom get wisdom?

In order to first understand how to get wisdom we must first understand what wisdom is. Throughout Proverbs King Solomon tell his son to listen to his teachings along with the advice of those older than him. He tells him also to be aware of sin traps and to seek the knowledge of God. How is this helpful? Firstly, seeking the wisdom of those older than you is wise because the truth is they have experience more and have lived life longer than you have and have a much different perspective on things. They can look back and relate to your situation however they know that breakups won't kill you, they know that school problems are part of life and overcomable, and they know that relationships with parents ease with time.

Secondly, Solomon tells his son to be aware of sin traps. Now this is very hard to do without self-evaluation. So I would pose that having a knowledge of yourself and who you are is essential to gaining wisdom. Without it you won't know why you do what you do, in fact you won't even be able to understand the consequences whether they be good or bad. Knowing yourself will give you insight into where you fall victim to temptation and sin. In addition, seeking the advice and wisdom of those older than you will enlighten you on potential sin traps that you might face or the ones you are currently facing.

Finally, in order to gain wisdom you must first seek the knowledge of God. I found this a very interesting thing. Solomon separated knowledge and wisdom. Why? Upon further examination into Proverbs I began to see that knowledge was just information; understanding of events and actions. Wisdom on the other hand was knowing why; why we should follow in Gods plan, knowing why you react the way you do to things and why other people react or act the way they do. Then, apply it. If you know why you need to do something then it is still simply knowledge, but when you understand it with both your heart and mind and put it into practice, that is when you begin to demonstrate wisdom.

This is what Solomon says about the benefits of wisdom:
"Then will you understand what is right and just and fair - every good thing. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you and understanding will guard you." (Proverbs 2: 9-11)

I love this verse because it wraps wisdom in beauty. When you seek to understand, when you seek to gain knowledge of who God is, rejecting your own understanding, it's beautiful. Seeking wisdom means rejecting your own pride and accepting humility, rejecting your own understanding and seeking that which is not your own, and rejecting passivity and finding strength in the Lord to give you the strength to develop your character.

So begin this journey of seeking wisdom with me. The first step: ask God what he wants to teach you and then listen! He has something for you because he longs to teach you, he longs to walk with you. Join this journey as I seek wisdom. I'm going to be starting a little mini series on this topic so expect more from me about what I've been learning and what I have found about wisdom and the knowledge of God.

"Let your eye's look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only the ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left, keep your foot from evil." (proverbs 4:25-27)

~Catie

Faces hidden behind the masks of Ideal Christianity

     What exactly is Christianity? What exactly does it look like to walk, talk and behave as Christ did? We have so many "answers", explanations, and methods for how to be the "ideal" christian. As young adults in an ever changing, tolerating world we are often torn between two paths: the worldly path and the one God has laid for us.
     Somewhere in this battle we place masks over our faces, one for Sunday morning, one for school or work. Often times we further divide these masks between us and our family, certain groups of friends, coworkers etc. These masks become walls that we use to shield ourselves, hide us, and protect ourselves from the world.
     My question is really, why do those in the body of Christ wear masks? Are we ashamed, embarrassed or guilty? In Christ there is no condemnation. Just take one look at Jesus's life and you will see that. He chose to hang around prostitutes, cheaters, liers, and adulterers and he loved them entirely without any hint of judgement. Rather, he spoke truth into their lives with acceptance, compassion and love.
     So why do we feel condemned, judged or unaccepted by those in our own church? Personally, I find it much easier to love those far from God then I do those close to him. I think the reason for that is because we believe Christians should just "know better," and so we justify ourselves in judging them.
      At times I can be a very judgmental person. It's not just with other people though, I judge myself very harshly too. I know that I'm not a perfect person. My life has not been characterized by good choices. When I first started addressing those areas in my life where I had messed up I was so hard on myself. I thought, "I should know better." My idea of perfection was shattered and I realized I wasn't even a generally good person. Talk about a reality check.
     I remember about a year ago I was sitting with one of my best friends, smoking some cigars elbows deep in a theological discussion, and suddenly it hit me. My friend of ten years was sharing his heart in a way I had never heard before. He shared his hurts, his struggles and fears with me in a very vulnerable way. For that brief moment he took off his mask and I saw him for who he truly was. It was at that moment I came face to face with the reality that I too had been wearing a mask. Mine was the mask of self-assured confidence.
     When you've been hurt throughout your life, it gets to the point where you don't want to hurt again so you build up a wall and put on a mask to protect yourself.
    But in this moment, as my friend was sharing, I realized it was okay. it was okay to let down your mask and to genuinely live out your life. However the thought of "what will others think," soon popped into my mind.
     As brothers and sisters in Christ we are called to come along side each other to encourage and support one another. We become useless and ineffective witnesses when we reject or condemn our brother or sister because in doing so we portray judgement and condemnation to the world, the exact opposite of what Jesus was communicating on the cross.
    Now this doesn't mean that we can let our brothers and sisters do whatever they want. There are consequences for actions, however our attitude should be one of humbleness rather than shamefulness. There is a significant difference between the two. Conviction comes from the Lord and he uses it to humble us. However we can easily fall into a pit of shame in which the devil fills with concrete making us unable to move. We become stuck in our own shame and guilt thinking that we can never escape. This thought completely discounts the word of God. He promises if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sin. Humbleness on the other hand, is where you accept your inadequacy and the consequences of your choices along with Gods plan over your own.
     My challenge for you is that you open your eyes and look into people rather then just at them. Everyone is broken, some in small ways some in huge ways. Realize that they don't need another judgmental person in their lives. Swap that for love and acceptance with the realization that you to belong in the the group of broken people. It's a strange thought, but it's okay to be broken. It's the only way we can be made new.


"my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." - 2Corinthians 12:9

~Catie

Moving out of Fear and into Perfect Love

"There is no fear in love for perfect love casts out all fear" - 1John 4:18

I would say that over the course of my life I have never truely experienced fear, and so this verse has never really meant a lot to me. However some of the things that have happened this summer have caused me to fear for others and fear for control (or the giving up of control) in a way I never thought possible. Yet as I feared, God comforted me. And as the days moved on and the hours started to differenciate themselves, I was left with a lingering fear "what if I will never move past this?"

I don't know if anyone of you has experienced a trauma in your life, lost a loved one, or been hurt phyically, verbally, or sexually, but one of the most common things to ask yourself after experiencing a trauma is "will this ever be over." Reliving the moments, second by second seems like a daily thing and it's exhausting. I found myself questioning God constantly asking him why I wasn't past it, why I still found myself lost in the loop of recouting every detail. One minute I would be laughing and the next weeping. The emotional rollercoaster didn't make sense to me and I sought God for comfort and found very little.

I was challenged to make a list of all the fear I had and to let God's word answer the fears with his perfect love and truth. A variety of things was on this list, however the biggest one was the fear of not moving past this moment. I felt like I would be stuck in feeling out of control, fearful, and unsettled. One of the first verses God gave me was 2 Corinthians 1:9 "But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."

One of my questions to God has been, "why did you let this happen?" He was very clear in answering that; because I needed to rely on him. He also encouraged me by saying "We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed; perplexed but not in dispair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destoryed" - 2Corinthians 4:8

There are times in our lives when we are hard pressed, when everything seems like its going wrong and it doesn't seem like it can get much worse. But what God promises us, it that we may be hard pressed but when we rely on him we are not crushed. There are times when we ask God, "God why did you have this happen?" No matter how hard we try we can't seem to comprehend why God would allow something. But God says that when we fall to him, we will not be in dispair: giving up hopeless because we have no idea what's going on. There will be times in our life where we feel persecuted for what we believe or think. Because of that we might be left, gossiped about or slandered, but the one person who will never leave us is God. We will not be abandoned in the hard times. We will not be abandoned in the good either. There will be times when the consequences of our sin will cause us to fall away, but we will not be destroyed because we are held firmly in God's hand.

I don't know about you, but this verse puts life into perpective for me and gives me tremendous ammout of comfort. Yes there will be difficulties, but there is hope even through the hard times. When we set our hope on Christ we will not be dispointed because he wants to grow us closer to Him.

So, will I ever move past it? Will you ever be able to step out of fear and allow God's all consuming love to dispel the fears you have? It starts with a choice: the willingness to give God your fear and allow him to move into your heart. Through him you can move past the sadness, you can move past the pain, and you can move out of fear and into confidence in God's plan for humanity.

"On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us." - 2Corinthians 1:10

~Catie

The Truth Of God

My dearest child,
     Why do you believe all the lies the world tells you? I hear you cry out to me in desperation for someone to love you, someone to care, someone to listen, someone to be there. You tell me you know that I'm there and you know that I love you, yet you don't believe it.
     My heart breaks for you because you can't see how beautiful you are. I made you and I take great delight in you. I thought about your life and put so much care into planning it out. I formed you with my own hands, and know every intricate detail of who you are. I put the freckles on your face and the the dimples in your smile. I hand picked the color of your eyes and crafted your ears and nose perfectly. I'm so proud of my creation that I gave you life! I wanted to show everyone how beautiful you were.
    It broke my heart when you turned away from me not because I expect perfection but because it broke our relationship. I want you to live in my blessing and walk on the path of life and hope. I loved you so much that I died for you. You were so valuable to me that I sought you out when you were lost and provided an opportunity for us to be in relationship again! You cry out to me because you are hurt and broken. I died for your brokeness. I died for all the wrongs done to you and I was there the moment you were being hurt, dying and hurting with you.
      You are worth everything to me. Because I am unchanging, my love for you is always the same. You couldn't do anything to make me love you less. I will always forgive, and I will always take you back. It breaks my heart that you walk away because when you walk away you walk off of the path of blessing. I want to comfort you and hold you as you cry over the destruction you find from the path of darkness. I never blame you for failures because I know that without me you can't do anything. When you take my hand I will bless you. I want to teach you and grow you in my love and in my spirit.
     My dear child, don't listen to the lies the world tells you. Listen to my words because my words are truth! I wrote you a letter to remind you of my love and I provided a way for you to speak to me every day. Come to me and I will bless you. Rest in me and I will give you peace. Surrender to me and I will heal you from all your brokeness. Your smile warms my heart and your laughter is heavenly music. Trust in me when times are hard and I will never fail you because I long to love you and provide for you.

~ God

Love must be Sincere

"Love must be sincere, hate what is evil cling to what is good." - Romans 12:9

Often times we read this verse and immedicatly apply it to ourselves. We need to hate what is evil and cling to what is good. This is true ad right, however, I think we rarely stop to think about the beginnging of the verse. Love must be sincere. What does that mean?

The definition of sincere is "pure; unmixed; unadulterated." So to have sincere love, it is a love that is genuine and pure. When we look at the way that Christ loves us, we see sincerity. He knows who we are to the deepest level, yet he genuinly cares about us. He is patient, kind, his love is oriented to us and our best intrest. He always persues us, always protects us, and never fails us.

Part of being a christian, is orienting our lives to reflect His. Is our love sincere? Do we genuinly care about people? We talk about caring for people all the time, yet to be honest, that other person really annoys us and we hate certain things that they do or say. Is that a sincere love?

Love is both a feeling and and action. If you genuinly love someone, you will act on it regardless of the feeling. However, I believe when you sincerly love someone, you always have compassion for them so that yor actions are matches with care.

Caring about someone should compel us to act on that emotion. How do we sincerly love people? I believe through compassion, a deep awareness of and sympathy for another's suffering. When we see people as just as broken and lost as we are, something about the way we realte to them changes. However, we first need to see that we are broken, beyond our own ability to repair. When we can relate to other people based on our own failures, we begin to genuinly love the other person.

So is your love sincere? Do you have a compassion that compels you to act?

~Catie

What have we forgotten?

I've been really frustrated recently. Partly because people who I care about are struggling, partly because I'm struggling, and I just want to hear the truth! Its like I'm standing in a crowded room trying to listen to one voice, yet the others are so overwhelming and loud I can't hear.

Its like I want to just scream "Shut UP!" I miss talking to my dad. I miss cuddling up in his lap and having him read to me from his word and teach me new things. I love hanging out with him, I love being with him and I love how he constantly meets me every day with something new!

Yet in the craziness of my own life, in the craziness of our lives, we forget. We get wrapped up in what church we go to, what things we say, how we present ourselves, what we are doing so share the gospel, how we are moving forward, who is mentoring us, who we are discipling, etc. And don't get me wrong those things are important, but thet are second! The first and biggest thing we need to be focused on is our relationship with Christ. Afterall he is the only one who can put us back together. He is the only one who can meet our needs. We can't do anything unless he is moving through us. Yet we forget that. It's what am I doing, when it should be "God what do you want to teach me today?"

We are mirrors that reflect both the light and life of Christ. Yet because we are fallen, our mirror is cracked and chipped all over the place. When we focus first on reflecting before we allow God to fix some of those cracks, we don't display the glory of God. However, when we take the time to allow God to patch us up, fillin some of those cracks, spray a little windex on us...thats when we start reflecting the imense glory of who God is. And the crazy thing is that, when we are allowing God to move in our lives first, thats when we shine the brightest! It's not about us...it never was and never will be. Its also not about what we can do because we are completly and totally inadequate without the Holy Spirit. Some people might not like that because it means that somehow they aren't good enough. But I love it! I'm not good enough! YES! I'm inadequet, yet in my inadequacy, God's grace allows me to be used! Holy cow is that humbling. We can't choose God, but he chose us! He chose me to be his daughter and he chose you to be his child. How loving, how crazy and insanely amazing does that make God. He cares about us so much! He died because he cared so much!

What have you forgotten? Have you forgotten what his arms feel like, or what his voice sound like? Have you forgotten that you need him or that your inadequate without his divine intervention? Have you gone at it alone, trusting in your own power rather then his? Or have you forgotten his love?

I want to challenge all of you, and I am lumping myself in also, but I challenge everyone one of you for a week to stop doing...stop talking...and just listen. Ask God what he wants to teach you and how he wants to grow you, and then wait on him. I don't know what that looks like in each of your lives, and I don't know how God is going to respond. But one thing I do know is that God answers those who call on him and he blesses them. Some things are gonna be hard to hear, convicting, loving, teaching, rebuking...but God wants to show each one of you something. So stop looking out into the world for what you can do, and look up at the one who created you.

"For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." - 2Corinthians 4:6-7

Abide in my Love

     Its funny how the first thing we thing about when we think of God is love. When asked to define a characteristic of God we say that he is love, yet do any of us really understand this aspect of God? I think we want to believe it means that he loves us with this fluffy kind of love, but when you really look into it you begin to see that he loves us with an everlastingly perfect love.      Most of us agree that when we are walking with God we feel loved, we feel close to him and we feel safe, and therefore we love him back. It is also interesting to note that we often love God the most when we feel his love the most. Therfore our love for the creator is most often times conditional. Whenever our world gets rocked we turn into two year olds and think God is being mean and doesn't love us.
     But God says "abide in my love." Again I ask, what does this mean? Well when I hear the word abide I think of rest. So rest in his love. That sounds so peaceful, just to crawl into Gods lap and feel his love surround me. And thats really what it means, but how do we do that? How do we abide regardless of the circumstances?
     God gives us promise after promise in the Bible. "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." "I have a plan for you declares the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
     God is patient, he waits for us as we do our own thing. It says in Isaiah that God waitied in quietness. "This is what the Lord says 'I will remain quiet and look on from my dwelling place.'" An army was moving against Isreal. In my mind this would not have been the time for God to sit back and be quiet. But God was being patient with Isreal; he was waiting for them to turn thier eyes upon him and trust in him for delieverance.
     Gods love is kind. I think this is the love we talk about the most but rarely acknowledge. When our day is hard, his love is the rainbow we see in the sky, or a smile from a friend, or a hug from a family member. I remeber that someone told me "anytime someone shows you love, that is God showing you love through that person." I think back to every time someone has written something nice to me or given me encouragement when  felt down...Gods love is kind!
     Now in Corinthians 13 it says that love is not jealous or boastful. However, since Gods love is perfect, he is jealous us of. God created us, he knows us perfectly and intimatly. When we fix our eyes on someone or something else he becomes jealous. When we become jealous we often say, "What does that person have that I don't?" God says, "I wish they could see that what they are running after has no lasting value."
     God also boasts about us. The clearest picture we have of this is when God boasts about Job. Satan comes into God court after wandering across the world. God says, "Have you considered my sevant Job?" He brags about him saying, "Ther is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." See when God brags, he tells the truth. His bragging brings our best to light.
     God also delights in us. When I think about that I think back to the passage that says, "he delights over us with singing." I think of a father dancing with his younger daughter or playing catch with his son and the joy in his face when we look up at him with innocent eyes.
     God is not rude, he is not self-seeking, and he is not easily angered. I want to stop at the last one and define it more. God is not easily angered; but how can this be true when it says that God is a God of wrath? That is entirely true, however his anger and wrath don't come on the moment you first sin. Infact it says in Exodus 34:6 "The Lord is a commpassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in love and faithfulness." In Psalms 30:5 is says "For his anger only lasts a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime." Gods anger is very real, but he does not become angry quickly.
     God love keeps no record of wrongs. This is unbelievably true although often times impossible for us to understand. Romans 8:1 says, "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Once we place our faith in him, our sin is gone. Now this doesn't mean we never sin, but when we do God looks at us through the lense of Christs body. He knows we sin, but he doesn't tally our failures so that when we come back to him after walking away he says "well I don't know if I can forgive you, afer all you have done that 15 times already..." Its a hard concept to grasp, but as soon as we are forgiven, it is forgotten! He casts our sin as far as the east is from the west...which when you stop and thiink about that is infinatly far.
     Gods love always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perserveres. Humanly it is impssible to protect the way God protects us. Humanly it is impossible for us to perserver the way God does after us.
     So abide in his love, find rest and comfort in his perfect promise to love, teach and guide you.

"Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatestof these is love."

~Catie

Abiding Comfort

Sometimes when I'm spending time with God, he shares something with me which I am completely ovewhelmed by and can't wait to share with others!

"But the land you are crossing the Jordan to take possesion of is a land of mountins and valleys that drinks rain from heaven. It is a land the Lord your God cares for; the eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end." - Deuteronomy 11:11-12

We are beginning a new year; crossing over from last year to this one. Each year is full of promise. God has amazing plans in store and he wants to lead us individually down a path of teaching and blessing. It says that the land is a land of mountains and valleys. There will be highs this year and lows this year. We will struggle spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally, socially....in every way possible we will face some type of struggle. Yet it also says that the land drinks rain from heaven. Jesus tells us that he is the wellspring of life and David writes that his soul pants for living water. We need water to sustain us physically and in the same way we need Gods word to sustain us spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. If we cease to go to him and drink up his word then we forget what clean, pure water tastes like.

It says that the land we are lead into is the land that the Lord God cares for. Imagine that? God leading us into a land that he has created and cares for. It also says that his eyes are on it from the beginning of the year to its end.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

I know that verse is used so many times. But that verse is a promise. God has laid out that path we will tred on for the next year. He knows the mountains we will face, and the valleys we will be lost in. But he also knows the meadows we will walk through with him.

I take so much comfort and hope in these verses. No matter where I go, God has a plan. He knows me, he knows his will for me and because of that I truely take peace and comfort in his arms.

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you decalres the Lord." - Jeremiah 29:12-14

Through my eyes...

If I could give you anything I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes.

Isn't it funny how other people are always able to see the best things about you. We tend to see ourselves through the lens of our failures, rarely able to see our good qualities. 

I love my friends because of who they are, both their short comings and there triumphs. Sometimes I think God gives me his eyes to see people as he sees them. 

Know that your failures make you who you are in your triumphs. Because of your failings you learn, grow, and are able to teach others. Triumphs are based in your faith in God because he is the only one who is able to make you successful. Each of your qualities are special not because of how they affect other people but because God gave them to you. When he made you, he formed your body, picked out the color of your hair, the color of your eyes, and then sat down and added in your personality. Some he made some to sing, others to dance, others to laugh, others to sympathize, and still others to be silly. He delights over you not because your awesome but because he made you. He loved everything about you so much so that it says he delights over you with singing!

I love my friends for who they are being grown into. God has also provided an amazing guy in my life. He is incredible not because of how he makes me feel (even though I always have butterflies when I'm around him) and not because he always does what I tell him to (which is sometimes annoying but good) but because he is a man after God own heart. He is insanely teachable. He strives to be a leader and seeks wisdom from older men in his life. Whenever he has doubts, he seeks truth. He knows what it means to guard my heart because he sees me through Gods eyes and knows I'm His daughter. 

If he could see himself through my eyes....he would understand why I care about him so much

If my friends could see themselves through my eyes they would understand that I butt in because I care, that I say what I do because I love them and that when I open up to them its because I know I can trust them. 

I love my friend so much!! Thanks for being part of my life and walking through the good and the bad with me :)

Broken promises...

Have you ever made a promise to someone that you later realized your couldn't keep? Do you remember how you felt when you had to confront them about it? The look of disappointment on their face when they realized you couldn't live up to your own commitments...
    I made a commitment to God to stay single for this past semester...a commitment which I did not hold to. Instead of trusting in God and relying on his strength, I decided to trust in what I could see and what was in front of me. Choosing to do this left me with several consequences. First off, I had to stand before God and ask for forgiveness. After all, I made the commitment to Him and when I broke it I offended God first. However, I also let my friends down. 
     Working through forgiveness between God and I was hard but adding disappointment from my friends onto that made it much harder. As much as I hate it at times, people watch me and look up to me. I honestly don't know why anyone would want to look up to me at all cause I seem to do a pretty good job at messing up, but people do anyway. What I didn't know was that my commitment to trust in God and stay single was a really bold statement, and several people looked up to me and respected me for that. When I broke that, they lost some respect for me. 
     Now I could say that I don't care what people think about me, but that would be a lie. 
    I want to write this to my girls, 
I'm not perfect I'm learning and growing, and sometimes that means failing...that being said...what I did by dishonoring my commitment to God was wrong. There's no way around it...I broke a commitment. Because of that I know that there are consequences. I know that and will accept them. One of the consequences have been letting people down. I'm a people pleaser and so whenever I let someone down it kills me! I'd prefer for people to be mad instead of disappointed. 
     Please don't think that I just made a decision based off of emotion without considering the commitment I made to stay single. Now you may think "wow how could you knowingly make a decision to break a commitment with God and then how could you be okay with it." Well...I began breaking the commitment without knowing it and then when I became aware I had two choices, one to stop lying and call the relationship what it was, or continue lying. I decided to fess up. And I wasn't okay with it at first, I would've loved to continue lying to myself and I considered it several times. But I didn't. I decided that although coming clean meant subjecting myself to the possible scrutiny of others it was the right thing to do. I had a long talk with God and was very ashamed to come to him. I was so mad at myself for not honoring a commitment and even more ashamed to have to tell people about it. 
     The truth is, my actions were called out by God and because of that I had to deal with it before him first. But I am aware that people are also affected. If I have made anyone stumble I'm truly sorry. Know that walking with God is a learning process...and when you fail God's not the only one who sees it...which I guess is good cause it means the body of christ can hold you accountable :)
     Everything we learn now is meant to teach us later in life. I know that God is continuing to teach me...sadly I'll continue failing but hopefully through my failures God teaches me who he is and who I am in him. The battle will never be over until we are in his presence....which could be considered depressing but when you think about it, it means that your always being given a second and third and fourth chance. Gods grace and mercy is INCREDIBLE and yet when we choose to walk with him, he gives it to us in abundance! 

Who Am I?

Who am I that you love me I turn away
seek my plan
speak against you
forget your mercy
forget your comfort
forget your love

Who am I that you intervene in my life?
I don't deserve your love yet you love me enough to reveal truth in my life.
You allow me to accept concequences
and you teach me

Who am I that even through my failures you use me
You take a broken heart, a sinful life and you use it
Who am I?

I am Yours!
You bought my life at the price of your own.

Everlasting love displayed in my father giving up his life for his rebelling daughter
I did not seek you
Yet you drew me to yourself
I did not choose you
Yet you hand-picked me to be yours

I am yours
You are mine
Worthy are you
My heart cries out
My soul thirsts for you
My body pants for your word

My heart is filled with joy
Your beauty is displayed in who you are
and in what you do
and in your word

How precious
How beautiful
How loving
How amazing
How merciful you are...

Your intricicies are displayed in the beauty of your creation
the colors and patterns of the created burst forth song

Each color speaks of who you are
every note of your plans
every sunset of your beauty

Only you are worthy
I am nothing
Yet to you I am made whole
In your eyes I am beautiful
You delight over me with singing
You hold me in your arms
You formed me
You know me

I am yours
     May your will be done with my life!

I Dare You...

One month ago, God challanged me with a dare. He said, "Catie I dare you to find out what it looks like to be completly focused on who I am." And I took it.

As soon as he challanged me with that dare, he followed up by asking me to fast from secular music and tv. I found that those things consumed my time and pulled my focus away from who he was. As I began to dive head first into what it looked like to be consumed by him, he began opening my eyes to his glory, his beauty and his divine nature. Through the process I realized I had sought identity in things other then him. He began to fix my face upon his, and show me what it was like to be found in him. Things I had struggled with in the past, and continue to struggle with he has helped me to overcome. He has unraveled the lies and deceptive words the devil told me over the past several months, and he helped me forgive myself.

Part of being consumed by God means having your identy in him and being like him. Loving him in all circumstances, rejoicing in persecution, and growing inspite of your own sinfulness. When we are consumed by him, we are filled with who he is: loving, forgiving, patient, compassionate, graceful and full of joy. God began filling me with each one of those. But forgivness was one I didn't quite understand. Because I didn't understand how to forgive myself and those who had recently hurt me, I put it off. But God wanted to do something with me, and I knew that in order to be fully consumed by him, I had to fully let go of any hinderances, and obstacles in my life. So I sat down with God, and we began the process of self-forgivness.

It took me a while to understand what forgiveness was. I found an awesome definition of it..."forgivness is not expecting payment for wrongs." I had wronged so many people in my life recenly, and being the "you must get punished for every bad thing you do" kind of person I am, I didn't understand how I could just move on from what had happened. I messed up, I needed to fix it.

But then God reminded me of his truth. He said, "you messed up, but I have the power to fix it." I have tried in the past to fix things, but in the end it only looks like a small bandaid over and gaping wound. Only God knows how to redeem (not fix) lifes circumstances.

I remember when I got it. When I realized I had to forgive myself and that I could forgive myself. God gave me the words to say, and I had to say them out loud in order for them to sink in. I said, "Its okay, what I did was wrong, but God forgives me and he is redeeming me." The more I began to say it, the more I began to believe the words. And now I fully believe them. Now I never want to repeat the misakes, but I know that the mistakes I've made are going to be redeemed by God, cause he is that awesome!

So I dare you....I dare you for a week, two weeks, or a month, to see what your life would look like to be completly consumed by who God is. Its a challenge I'm not going to lie...it takes perserverance, but the most beautiful thing about it is that God is with you every step of the way, holding you, guiding you and speaking truth and wisdom into your life.

I took the challage and God did increcible things in my life. I dare you to see what he will do in yours!

"Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high priviledge of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant. I've dumped it all into the trash so that I could embrace Christ." - Philipians 3:8 (The Message)

~Catie

Starting Over

Those words "starting over" have been used more in the last several months/weeks then I think I've ever used them in my entire life.

This week marks an anniversary for me, and not one I'm happy of. This time last year I began to go down a very bad path. I began walking away from God, and turning into myself, my sin and my desires. Previous blogs have explained in more detail what hppened, and how relationships were destroyed. I suffered so many consequences, and am still living through the consequences of my actions. But even through my rebellion, God fought for me.

I love Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

God had/has a plan for my life, and he has never let me go through it. I am amazed, extreamly humbled and in complete awe that God would want to use a rebellious and sinful person like me, yet he gives me the opportunity to be part of his plan every day.

....God is amazing, anyone who thinks less has never experienced his all encompassing love, joy and peace. Through my struggles, through my horrible human example of who Christ is...he redeems me, he uses me, he leads me in his plan. Thats completly mind blowing! I walk away, he gives me another chance. I fall down, he picks me back up. He teaches me with love, speaks truth into my confused life, and has instilled his pure joy me so that I can face struggles with his confidence.

Someone told me the other day that many people think that your a good christian if things in your life are going good...however I've found the exact opposite. Your walk with God is the strongest when you are relying on him for your every need. That means in the good and bad. We tend to rely on God when things are bad, and I am guilty of this, but think about it...we need God in every situation, whether it is while we are under spiritual attack or if it's to make a decision to go hang with friends. When I first encountered this type of thinking I pushed back. After all, I'm an adult, I know how to make decisions, I know what to do! Yeah....but then again how often do I get myself into a whole because of my actions. When you rely on God for guidance, seek him in every action things become less stressful. On that note I want to just add a little food for thought: If we are not our own (since we were purchased at the price of Christs blood) what makes us think that our agenda is our own? Do we really understand what it like to give our whole self over and let God be the Lord of our life?

I would say that I don't know how to do that. I don't think I'll ever be perfect at dying to myself and letting him reign in every aspect of my life. If I was able to do that it would be awesome, but my sinful nature holds me back from perfection. Although I will never be able to achieve perfection, I still strive to dye to myself. And its painful, its a process, and I fail many times. But a beautiful thing about God is that he just says "Its okay, so you failed. This time try relying on me instead of your own strength."

A couple days ago I sat down with God and he told me I needed to finally close the chapter of this last year. He lead me to Psalms 34. If you have a chance to read it I would highly encourage you to. But in short David is praising God for the ways in which God interevened in his life to save him. One of the verses that stuck out to me was Psalm 34:4 "I sought the lord and he answered me, he delivered me from all my fears." I love this verse because it reminds me of the goodness, faithfulness and love of God. God didn't leave me in the dirt, he answered me and delivered me from myself!

So I'm starting over....again. And thats okay! Life doesn't have a reset button but in a sense God does. He picks us up from out of the mud, sets us on solid ground, washes the dirt off and says, "Okay lets do this again." And because of that I know that no matter how many times I fall he will always take me back.

"The lord redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him." -Psalm 34:22

~Catie

Finding my Identity...

I want to start of this blog entry with recouting a conversation I had with a friend of mine the other day. He told me that he was asked a question, "What person or people would you want to emulate your life after." He told me that I was one of those people.

I tell this story not to credit myself but to use it in order to begin to explain what God has been doing in my life over the past year. I won't be able to explain everything in one blog entry, but I can scratch the surface.

This time last year, I had a major identity crisis. Although I didn't realize it at the time, I was placing my value, my worth, my comfort, trust, hopes, and dreams into people. And, when they let me down, I was crushed. But I didn't know I was doing this, and so blindly I went on. I placed it in a frienship which betrayed me, and I placed it in a relationship which destroyed me. God was slowly and painfully taking away the things that were a distraction.

I had a moment of clarity in January; God revealed to me my identity in him an his plan for my life. However, I didn't undersand how to truely place my identity in him and so as soon as I got my "spiritual fix" I went right back into relationships and placed my identity once again in what they could offer me.

After that relationship ended, I knew I needed God, but I didn't want him. I didn't want the comfort I hd heard he could offer, and so I sought for comfort, for love and acceptance from relationship after relationship, until finally God had enough. He pulled me out of those relationships and set me back in his presence and no matter how much I tried to run he held me tight. See, God had something to teach me.

After coming home from my mission trip in Asia, God asked me to be single for the fall semester. After a couple of days I agreed. I knew God wanted to show me something, however I had no idea what it was. Over the last several months, I have struggled with giving up relationships. Slowly, and ever so lovingly God has peeled back my fingers and allowed me to release my grip on my mistaken identity.

I listened to a sermon in which the pastor made a clear point which has stuck with me. He said, "Why do we place our identity in the things God owns, instead of in God himself?" I was placing my identity in people, who God made and who are also flawed and prone to disapointment. God is not flawed, he never disapoints, he always forgives, always loves and always comforts us. I was challenged with this thought: If I truely believe those things about God, then how come I seek for those things in man instead of in him.

It says in John 5:44 "How can you believe (in God) if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?" or as it is put in the Message, "How do you expect to get anywhere with God when you spend all your time jockeying for position with eachother, ranking your rivals and ignoring God?"

I am in no means perfect. My life over the last year has been a complete disaster to say the least! But God s gracious. He has showed me mercy over and over again. He has had compassion on me through the consequences I've had to face because of the bad decisions, and he has forgiven not condemed me. He is the only one who could ever truely love me.  He knows the crap in my life better then I do and he accepts me for that. He accept me, yet I sought acceptance from other people. He loved me, yet I gave my love to other people, and he forgave me even when I couldn't forgive myself.

This past year has been horrible, and I would never willingly repeat it. But I know that God has a purpose and that he has grown me in huge ways. I still stuggle, I still fall. I know I can never be perfect but I also know that God doesn't expect perfection, he just askes me to humble myself to him and be obedient to his calling.

People have told me recently how much they admire my passion and my love for God, and I honestly have to say that the passion people see is a direct result of Gos grace, love and mercy in my life; it is nothing of myself. Each day is a struggle but with each day brings new mercies from God. I am continually forgiven and continually reminded of how much he loves me.

So as for my my identity...I belong to Christ. In him I am made complete, and yes it is a daily challange not to resort back to people and relationships for comfort, God gives me his strenght and allows me to rely on him for perserverance.

"May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise." -Psalms 119:76

~Catie

Addicted

So I decided to try something new with my blog and open it up for questions. This was one of the questions that I was asked.

"What do you say to someone who is addicted to drugs and alcohol? Someone who isn't even 21 yet... How do you help them get out of that hole of addiction? And someone whose parent figures are ok with it..."

Well, first of all my question would be do you want to get out of the hole? I personally have struggled with sexual addiction for the past 13 years and it has been very hard to overcome. In fact I have only now started changing.

About four months ago I completly gave into my addicton and persued relationship after relationship that would satisfy my needs and my desires. It became a daily/ hourly struggle against my addiction. After a month of abusing my body and letting other people abuse my body I reached a breaking point. I felt violated by myself and the people I chose to share myself with. I knew I had to change, but I didn't know how.

The beauty of growing up in a christian home is that I have a strong support system around me. I confessed my addiction to my parents and my closest friend. Through thier help I was able to seek help through councilling. At first I quit cold turkey, which was unbearably hard. I had sought comfort, escape and happiness from my addiction. I made it 24 days and then fell back into it. It was so hard, and although I knew what I was doing was wrong, I justified it by saying that "Well everyone else does it too, they just don't talk about it." I'm not really sure what caused me to quit for good, but I think it was that I was just so disgusted with myself that I knew I had to change. I didn't want to be a slave to my addiction anymore.

Its been several months, and I haven't let my addiction control me. It is very hard at times. For example, this week, its been hard. I've realized that when I watch movies that are very sexually graphic that it adds to the struggle.

I use my example because I think that all addictions, wheather they are to drugs, alcohol, sex, porn etc., that they are all means of escape, they are all enslaving and they are all very hard to overcome.

My advice would be to find people around you who will support you to make a change, if you want to change. Something that was hard for me was the uncertainty of whether I wanted to change. I sought so much security from my addiction, that when I decided to give it up, I felt lost. Do you want to live the way your living now? If not, then its time to change.

If there is no one close to you who can help you change, then I would encourage you going to seek help from a church or a councillor. I was really embarrased to admit my addiction, but now as I look back I realize that everyone struggles with something. You can find strenght through your struggles, and down the road you can use your struggles to encourage someone else who finds themselves in the same spot.

Addiction is slavery, but you can break through the bondage. It starts with a choice.

"in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us" - Romans 8:37

You Ask I'll Answer

I want to try something a little new with my blog. This blog is entitled from my heart to yours. The reason I named it that was inorder to share my struggles and my triumphs in my walk with Christ. So much has gone on in these last couple of months and alot of people have asked me questions about my struggles. So I want to open up my blog for questions. Part of living a transparent life is to be able to share things with people without them asking but also being willing to let them ask you the hard questions. I'm pretty wierd and I love being asked hard questions because it challenges me to find the hard truth.

Don't worry about asking anything to personal. I'm opening my heart and will answer any question you have. Just comment on this blog entry or send me a facebook message to ask :)

The Pain of Wounds Re-Opened

A wound is mysterious thing, because the pain is the most severe upon initial impact, yet the throb and scar remind you day after day of what either you did to yourself or what others have done to you.

Wound's suck....thats just the truth. We all have them, we've all caused them. I wish it were different, but it isn't. Most of our deepest wounds come from those close to us, because they are the only ones who know us well enough to truely hurt us.

As someone whose been hurt the same way over and over throughout the years, it pains me when I realize I've hurt other people. I'm a human, and I'm flawed, and as much as I wish I was perfect and never did anything to hurt anyone...I do, I have and unless I realize it now I will continue to hurt people in the same way.

Someone once told me that you hurt people in a similar way to how you've been hurt. Thinking on this now, it completly makes sense. My wound, my scar that constantly seems to be re-opened is the pain of abandonment. Now my parents never left me, or got a divorce, but the abondonment stems from my school transition from private to homeschooling. I had attended the same private school since kindergarden, with the same group of friends who also went to my church. As the cost of the private school went up, my parents decided that it was time to leave the school and they choose homeschooling over public schooling. In this transiton, and for a number of reasons, I lost all of my friends. Going from having the same friends who support you and encourage you everyday to no friends at all was a shock. I began to feel unloved, alone, and struggled with suicidal depression.

Looking back on it, it seems silly that changing schools would've had that big of an impact on me. Maybe it was my false sense of security in my friends or an idea that the phrase "best friend forever" really meant forever. Regardless, I was still left alone. That was the first blow.

Over the years I learned to harden my heart against it, scar tissue had begun forming. I made friends with a group of girls in 7th and 8th grade, but never felt close to them because I held myself off at a distance, afraid I would get hurt again. We parted ways at the beginning of high school for a variety of reasons, and I began to meet new friends, some of which I had known for years, but just started hanging out with. They've been my rock through highschool. They stood by me when my mom was sick with breast cancer, they stood by me when my world would go crazy, they stood by me no matter what, and because of that I opened my heart.

Without realizing it, I placed myself in the position to be pierced deeper then the initial impact had gone. The second blow came in october of 2009. A long time girldfriend of mine left. I don't understand the reason, and I can't explain the cause, but out of no where, she decided we weren't friends anymore. Its hard to think of the words to use to explain how badly this hurt. It felt like a knife was thrust into my chest and then being twisted. Not only did I physically feel a sore pain in my chest, but I was natious and sick for several days. We had been friends for 5 years, I opened my heart, and she just walked away.

The third blow; this one was different because it came from a guy. Like I said before, I'm not perfect and it still breaks my heart how my actions hurt him. After recently being hurt so deeply again by my friend I began to do the only thing I knew how which was protect and push people away. I began pushing him away and in so doing so, I began to hurt him in the same way I was hurting. So many things happened in that relationship that were wrong, we both hurt eachother in order to protect ourselfs and save ourselfs from the pain of what we knew was our biggest wound. In the end, we abandoned eachother. This was the first time in my life where I had ever pushed anyone so far as for them to walk away from me. And I was surprised. I honestly don't know why I was, I had pushed, and he had finally left. But there I was, alone again.

Because of the drama that surrounded that previous relationship, I also pushed my friends away. They didn't know what was going on, but how could they have if I didn't explain it to them. There were points during those months when I feared my best friend would leave me too because he didn't understand or accept what I was dealing with. But he didn't, others did.

The last blow, or most reacent I should say, came Tuesday afternoon...this is when I truely realized that my friends, all the people who I had surrounded myself over the last few years, had left. Not only had they left, but it was of my own doing. I pushed to protect myself, and what did I do instead? I hurt myself. (Odd how that works)

Now there have been some people who have stuck it out with me, who asked probably scary questions during a hard part of my life, and who never allowed the opinions of others to sway thier view of me. In all honestly, I'm not sure why they have't left me. They've seen the crap thats been in my life these last few months, some of them have even seen whats been going on these last few years. I will never really be able to express how grateful I am for them.

But wounds still hurt, consequences for lifes decisions still suck. Its like a burden that only you alone can carry. I go to God for comfort and wisdom and have begged him to take away the pain, but I know that I have to live with the consequences of the choices I've made. It makes it harder to bear when the consequences pierce you through your deepest wound.

~Catie

Building Up From the Foundation

     I'm on a journey, as we all are, but unlike other journeys I've been on, I have no idea what I'm looking for! The good news is that God is with me on this journey and he knows exactly what I need.
     During one of my quiet times I came across a passage in I Corinthians that reminded me of something my councilor said.

" By the grace God has give me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other then the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each mans work. If what he has built survives he will receive his reward. If it is burned up he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved but only as one escaping through the flames."
     - 1 Corinthians 3:10-15

This is as incredible passage of scripture! It is very similar to the parable Jesus told about building your house on a rock, but this goes further to describe what a christian is supposed to do once his foundation has been placed on that rock, which is Jesus Christ. Starting with Christ as the foundation of your life, what are you suppose to do from there? Build up! He says that you can build up with gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw. Now most of us upon looking at this list would know what to build a house or any structure out of. Most of us wouldn't choose the hay or the straw, instead we would use the gold, silver, stones and wood.
     Once we have build up from the foundation, there is a test. What we have built will be tested with fire and if it is left standing then we receive the reward, but if it isn't then we suffer a loss of some kind. Now what does all this mean exactly.
     The foundation is Christ, the structure we build up from him is our life in him, the strength and durability of our relationship with him. We either dive deep into a relationship with him, thrive and build thick sturdy walls around us or we take it lightly, gather up the light bundles of straw and use those to protect us from the world around us.
     What are your walls made out of? How deep is your relationship with God, how solid are the walls you have build? Sadly, I'd have to say that I've let myself build my walls out of wood. It looks good, pretty durable, pretty easy to carry and set into place. However when the fire comes, wood burns. When the fire comes, I lose the meager shelter I built.
     The beauty however in walking and going deep with God is that you build for yourself walls made of gold, silver and stones, walls that don't burn. When the fire comes, when hard times howl against your window, you will not be destroyed because you chose to struggle with God, carry those heavy stones and place one on top of the other. You receive the reward of protection, Gods loving arms his helping hand through difficult times. Because you chose to work hard before, struggle through when you were still building that house and the fire licked at your fingers, because you stayed firm in walk, when hard times comes, its no problem.
     What you do now, how you treat your relationship with God now, will determine what type of materials your building your fortress out of. The deeper you go the more you learn to rely on God and therefore the stronger your walls become. But if your treating your relationship with God as just a 5 minute skim through the Bible, your fortress will not be able to withstand the fire of hardship.
     I have personally experienced the fires consuming my fortress, and it makes you step back and realize, that it wasn't God who wasn't there for me in times of need, it was my own lack of trust, my own lack of seriousness with my relationship with God.
     So what are you building your fortress out of? Are you building it out of materials that will last, or those that will perish.

"If what he has built survives he will receive his reward. If it is burned up he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved but only as one escaping through the flames."

~ Catie